Thursday, January 9, 2014

News and Views For 2014 In New Zacatecas né Mazatlán

Happy New Year!! MazReal staff have returned to the unseasonably warm weather and set up temporary office on the visiting Greenpiece ship Rainbow Warrior thanks to our promise to campaign against the overfishing of fish and to give them the the credit card details we hacked from Snapfish accounts. Having just returned from incarceration in that sucked-dry (editor. Surely you mean fucked-up?) country of Zimbabwe, we are ecstatic to be back in this wonderful city of New Zacatecas or NoZac for all those wannabes who live in NoMa. Yes New Zacatarse (If you didn't know, Mazatlán is now called New Zacatecas, an important point that all the expat publications have failed to pick up on*.)

Dazed and confused MazReal Staff after having being released from "The Black Hole Of  Zimbo' , the notorious jail in Mugabeland.

*The ever-so canny Mazatlán ( now New Zacatecas) Ayuntamiento worried by the prospective lack of tourists because of the lack of beds lacking in the lack of lacklustre hotels and under the orders of the crazed Feloonytoon PAN administration, changed the name to that of the even more popular city somewhere south and east of here in the Free and Sovereign State of Old Zacatecas. 

So desperate for beds are they, that Deer Island is to be turned into an endangered bird and seal shooting hotel with spewing volcano and 24-7-365 Treasure Island Reality TV show featuring ex-carnival beauty queens wearing Raquel Welsh jaguar skin bikinis armed with spades looking for pirate treasure.

"This city of Old Zacatecas (OldZac) gets all the tourists that are meant for Mazatlán, so we are damned well going to change our name to New Zacatecas or NoZac to please our NoMa residents and get them all back even if we have to send the Marineros over to kidnap them gringos at gunpoint." shouted a crazed frothing-at-the mouth official.

"Let the governor of that naughty PRI run state sue." he continued "….and I'll send our aircraft carrier to sort that communist scumbag out." 

2014 news after the jump...

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