Friday, April 29, 2011

THE ROYAL WEDDING - RULE BRITANNIA, BRITANNIA RULES THE WAVES...........and so on.

British royal Correspondent George Windsor-Tudor (no relation) reporting from the scene.


RULE BRITANNIA, BRITANNIA RULES THE WAVES! BRITONS NEVER NEVER SHALL BE SLAVES......and so on.


Stirring words. Isn't it a great time to be British even if you are not British, we are all British on this momentous day when the happy royal couple walk down that isle of that magnificent abbey holding hands, smiling happily, beaming from ear to ear and being watched by over 2 billion loyal subjects prostrating themselves at the foot of their television sets shouting "All hail the new King and Queen of the universe".


And here standing beneath the comforting flap of the United Kingdom Union flag....





OOPS!! Sorry wrong flag.




OOPS Again!!!!!





AAAH Much better.

As our British royal correspondent George Windsor-Tudor (no relation) was saying:

"Here standing beneath the comforting flapping of the United Kingdom flag and I reiterate united Union flag we can all celebrate this wonderful getting together of a royal personage (William Windsor  Schloss Hanover Coburg of Westphoolia Germany) and a commoner (Kate Winslett famous movie star). A day that makes history redundant because as we know lovely, stunning  Kate is from a poor, destitute blue collar background who was plucked off the street by this magnificent royal male species. Just like his animal counterpart from the African plains of the Serengeti, the muscular, sharp clawed beautiful beast, the long-maned Lion, which plucks weaker animals of the plains and devours them and spits them out. Oh how we would love to prostrate ourselves at the feet of this handsome couple and kiss their royal lavender smelling toes. This adorable girl with the Elizabeth Tayloresque flowing 'perfectly pitched' locks and her hunky husband with his thin, balding hair showing through a white scaly scalp. But as another lovely royal correspondent delves into her truly interesting and wonderfully rich life:

Imogen Fox has just spoken to Charles Worthington about Kate's hair. Worthington thinks her hair was perfectly pitched: "understated yet glamorous". But he would have made some tweaks. "I might have made the rest of the hair a little bit fuller with slightly bouncier big loose curls." He rated Tara Palmer-Tomkinson's look but was a little perplexed by Samantha Cameron's lack of hat. " I didn't think her hair looked groomed enough for an event like this. If you are not wearing a hat then the hair has to make a statement and look polished and fabulous."


Yes, yes yes and yes again don't we all just adore these wonderful royal British Germanic creatures and their royal cousins, aunts, sisters and ginger brother, progeny from another non-royal common sports star. (Hang on Jorge that's a treasonable offense to say that. Diana never had an affair with a ginger haired rugby player. Well we know but one must never mention it. - Editor). We are just so happy we can hardly contain ourselves to see these true blue GermanoBritish royals waving from the Buckingham Palace balcony. We love them, yes we do. Oh God I am so ecstatic I am about to ....."


That's enough of that sycophantic crap George Windsor - Whatever with your bloody double barrelled name, you are sacked!


Kate Winslett in her simple yet elegant dress that cost millions of British tax payers money, bravely kissing some bald bloke in a daft red cavalry suit he hired from the set of The Charge of the Light Brigade and a plastic Royal Air Force badge and chocolate medal







In the interests in getting a balanced view we now hear from our other royal correspondent Nasty McFilthy reporting from down at the working men's socialist bar. Nasty, we are assured, has renounced his socialist anarchist ways and has promised to give us a more balanced view. It's over to  Nasty..


'Ere it's Nasty reporting from down the Lamb and Flag pub watching the television set in the corner and standing at the bar with 5 beers in me hand and 10 already inside me gut. We are watching from the television set which was working up till about a minute ago when a loyal punter sent his litre glass of beer sailing through the set smashing the picture. Good on yer mate. The loyal boot throwing citizen is 'ere to add a comment.  Go on mate .....


Lamb and Flag - typical British Anarchist pub.




"Gerfuckin' spongers. It's us that's paying for that bleeding shindig at that there church. Just look at the money that's gorn into that fuckin' sham of a marriage. Won't last ten minutes it won't. Just look at the rest of them royals all of them divorced within seconds of getting hitched and our money paying for the lot of 'em. Just look at 'em  dressed in bleeding officers uniforms, as if they ever went to Afghanistan and fought alongside our brave lads there. All that twat William ever did was borrow a helicopter just to fly out and land on the front lawn of his girl's fuckin' mansion just to ask her hand in marriage that we paid for and now he thinks 'e's a pilot in the Royal Air Force. They should be shot, the lot of 'em. Stick 'em up against a wall and shoot 'em just like that Romanian fellow, what's 'is name, Chowchestycu, Chewchowscew or some such bloody foreign name. They shot 'im and 'is wife they did. Just dragged them out and shot 'em. Bloody royal scroungers stealing our money and not paying tax........."


It's Nasty reporting again; that man just fell onto his face drunk and we tink we'll leave him there and go look at the next TV round the back of the pub. Dammit that one has just been smashed by an angry man who put his head through it and the ambulance is arriving to take him away with blood pissin' through a gaping wound.


So from 'ere at the Lamb and Flag, a British working man's pub, Nasty McFilthy signing off. Oy where's my beer you cheap bastard? 'Ere take that you Nazi scum.


Thanks Nasty we don't think we will be getting back to you.


And to finish on this extraordinary day here's a happy picture of the new Duke and Duchess of Cambridge having fun in the park of their new royal 500 roomed mansion paid for by the honest British tax payer.




The happy couple jostling in their recently dug acre of swimming pool in the gardens of their new country of England kindly given to them free of charge by their loyal subjects.

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